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Miles was hit by a runaway train while still in the womb, and has not yet fully recovered. He has been in treatment for a hitherto unseen combination phobia, a fear of trains in confined spaces. It is called claustrochoochoophobia.

Miles heard the call of the wild shortly after his accident, and crawled out into the world in an attempt to find a pack of wolves by whom he could be raised. Sadly, rural Yolo County, California had little to offer in the way of wolves, and coyotes simply wouldn’t do, so Miles was forced to take drastic measures. He became the first infant commodities broker on Wall Street. Needless to say, he was a very bad broker. With the Federal Trade Commission hot on his heels, Miles absconded to Rio de Janeiro with an embezzled fortune in his diaper, slipping by customs agents by hiding himself in unsupervised pieces of luggage. Once safely in Rio, Miles settled down with his adoptive wolf family, the Gundersons. Here he lived in comfort and stability until one fateful night, during a meteor shower.

Nineteen years later, Miles freed himself from his two-dimensional prison, and began his new life. As a beggar, he was frequently surprised by people’s overwhelming generosity. Passers-by were compelled by his good looks and charisma to give him their expensive watches, their cars, their spouses, and their souls.

Now the Gunderson family had taught Miles two things that he would never forget: how to snap the neck of a rabbit moving at speeds upwards of 22 miles per hour, and how to live frugally. And so it wasn’t very long before Miles was able to recoup his former fortune, and live like a Sultan on his private island in Germany. And there he remains today.